Look through my things, and figure me out

I can’t believe this is really happening again. For the hundredth fucking time. I’m always there when you need me, when it seems like no one else is there for you. When whatever bitch you’re with decides to break up with you or this last time “break your heart”, I’m always right there. Like as soon as you tell me to be and as soon as I can be. Maybe I’m pathetic for that, but I really fucking cared. I was probably the saddest when you moved away, and you acted like you actually cared about my feelings. All the time and late nights we spent together before you left was probably my best memories with you, it really meant alot to me. But obviously I guess I can’t compare to these other girls, like fuck what do I really have to do to get through. I can’t think of a damn thing that I haven’t already done. After all the hell and emotions I’ve been through because of you, I’d still take you back in a heartbeat. You were my “first love” and I’m sorry I can’t get over that. I need to grow up but it just hurts me to see you with all these other girls. And it hurts to wonder all the time if all the things you told me were lies..You say you can’t feel the same, but it feels like when we’re together, you do. I feel so fucked over, you said I could come up and visit and that you’d be down but now that isn’t happening. I just can’t find anyone that means even half as much as you did to me. You know all this. I feel like you don’t see it or something though. Just know I’ll always be here..